Motivators

Getting up at 5am most mornings to meet my fitness goals is a difficult task to do. I am keen to make it work though. If I can't get up early enough for the gym, I go later in the day. I've been keeping up with rock climbing and pole dancing, which are hard workouts in and of themselves. Jogging seems hard lately, though. I incorporate jogging in between my sets during strength training, but I can't seem to get a long jog in... Probably has everything to do with me killing my legs with strength training, but I have no idea!

My current motivators are training for a triathlon, losing weight, and recently added is to look good for the wedding of my two good friends. I find that doing tasks like this is a lot easier with good reasons, and I think I have the best reasons around. I'm still playing whenever possible. But with everyone's schedules being everywhere, it's usually on my own.

I've been working myself hard with school, which in itself has its own set of motivators. I'm very set on doing well in my courses for a chance to go into honours psych. I've been studying a lot and focusing on my psychology marks... those are the marks I need to improve.

An old teacher of mine approached me the other day to talk about my direction in school. To be honest, I thought he was going to ask me about my trip to Ghana, so I was staggered when he attacked me with questions regarding my passion for science.

How did he even know?

(...well, I guess he was my teacher for that science Gen Ed I took...)

He's convinced I should pursue a degree in health sciences, possibly doing something in neuroscience. Honestly, the entire meeting was so curious... it's making me wonder if he knows something I don't. He gave me some names and numbers of people he wanted me to contact. I'm going to take a chance and give it a go. It can't hurt, right? He mentioned one of the professors may be looking for a research assistant.

He had me at 'research.' <3

Anyway... tomorrow is my first midterm and I need to wake up early to review. I have another midterm on Tuesday. I find it amusing that midterms are never in the middle of a term... and how I have more than one in each class. I have 3 in Death and Dying. Figure that one out...

Wordless Wednesday #12

(Me! Proof that I did it too!)

LML

One of my fondest memories of Ghana was the music. We heard some of the most upbeat, inspiring music there. Music that just made us love the trip, love life. This is one of the songs that was super popular there: "I Love My Life" by Demarco.

It explains my feelings perfectly. The past week has been amazing.

Highlights!

Monday: First training session and learning how to rock climb.
Tuesday: Awesome rest day.... too sore to work out, haha. Had fun at work though.
Wednesday: Wicked workout and learned how to pole dance! Now THAT was awesome. After the first session, I'm pretty sure this is something I want to do all the time (don't read too far into that!). I had a ton of fun and it's a great workout!
Thursday: Did my belay test for rock climbing and passed with flying colours! Friends and I agreed to go every Monday to practice. Did a bit of a jog and went to my first yoga session. Got a free drop-in pass for another work out class. Once I have Tuesday's free, I'm gunna put it towards Zumba with my friend, Mayan. <3
Friday: Economized my time with a 6am workout, class at 8am, and studying afterwards. Also bought a swimsuit, swim cap, and prescription goggles (!) with a friend who wants to do the triathlon with me. Prescription goggles was the most exciting part of that trip. I'll be able to see in the water without killing my eyes for the first time since I got glasses... whaaaat?!

As well, yesterday I visited my mum. It was her birthday, and a visit was long overdue on my end.

I went with my sisters, boyfriend, their boyfriends,and step dad. Funny how when I visit her with others that I don't feel nearly as sad. Surrounded by love, we sat around her and laughed, played with my niece, and watched her marvel at how intriguing Uncle John is.

She loves to fly. Well... fly in the sense of me picking her up over my head and her holding out her arms. 

My heart was filled with such joy and peace yesterday...

We ended the night with dinner at my sisters, joking around and talking about potentially interesting psychology books for me to read.

I love my life.

Words of wisdom

On Tuesday morning, I learned something quite important that I would like to share with all of you.

When doing a 6am training session, stretch a lot. I did this and I think I would have been fine had I not also signed up for a rock climbing introduction course on the same day. At 7pm.

Despite my earnest efforts of stretching after rock climbing, come Tuesday morning, I could barely move. In part due to my trainer whooping my ass, in part due to my using muscles I never knew I had.

Today, I feel fine, and I look back on Monday with fondness. The training session was incredible and I learned a lot of great tips. My trainer is helping me to compete in my first triathlon. I believe I would like to do the Mount Royal Sprint Triathlon. I might not be able to do it April 2012, but possibly for April 2013.

That is... if the world doesn't end... o.o

Por que?!

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My trainer asked me if I was going to do the triathlon with anyone. I hadn't planned on it, but I asked Twitter, and a friend of mine that recently moved here said she'd give it a go! So we're going to go bathing suit shopping this Friday and start to practice swimming! A friend I made this semester used to swim competitively when he was younger and agreed to show me different strokes and how to turn and move efficiently in the water when I do my laps.

Everything is falling into place... <3

That same friend and another came with me for my Rock Climbing 101 course. We had a blast! For me, I never reached the top of the climbing wall. To be honest, I was scared of falling, despite all of the equipment checks we did. Everyone there was just learning the basics of rock climbing. My trust levels were being tested, for sure.

Not only that, but my limbs are short! It's hard to find a "rock" and move on up the wall. It seemed like everything was out of reach. And some of those rocks are very small, too. How do people do this?! ...it is a mystery I intend to solve in time and with practice.

Tonight, I get to go to my first pole dancing lesson... I heard that requires a lot of strength. Eeep. x.x

Anyone wanna make bets about my ability to walk by the end of the week?

1 full week of school = DONE

As of 4 o' clock in the afternoon yesterday, I had successfully completed a full week of school!

*Cheers* Yaaay!

All of my classes are quite interesting. I decided to also take a chance and stay in all 5 of my courses, which means I'll be busy for a while... booo... =(

So far, my favourite classes are my Globalization class and my Psychology of Death and Dying class. The latter isn't as depressing as one would assume, but there are parts that hit chords in me and make me feel quite weak and helpless... v.v

We started to talk about death anxiety and children's perceptions of death. For death anxiety, we did a questionnaire listing various ways to die and we had to say whether or not we fear that way of death. Out of 20 points, I put 15 as 'Yes,' 3 as 'No,' and 2 as 'Maybe.' A lot of the list I had never thought about in terms of ways to die. It was insightful, but scary.

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To be honest, I'm dead frightened of that class. I'm not scared to go to class like I am with Spanish. Now that's anxiety. I have a mini panic attack before each Spanish class, and have had these for years, probably because I'm scared of talking and not understanding the teacher in class. My heart rate rises, I start to perspire... and I just dread going. But I digress.

I'm frightened of my Death and Dying class because it's such a sensitive subject to me. It always has been. There was one time I remember, years ago, where the prospect of death was so scary, I just started crying really hard. My boyfriend at the time tried to console me by pushing Christian ideas of where we go after we die onto me. It didn't help, really. Maybe if I weren't already set in my ways... (like when I was 6 or something). While I don't act like that anymore and the thought of it doesn't drive me into hysterics (I learned that that means I'm coming to terms with the idea of death), it's still a topic that frightens the bejeebus out of me. We can find out the answers to damn near everything during a human life, but no one can ever share the knowledge of where we go once we die.

That scares me.

I found out the other person whose mother had passed away in class yesterday too. It was a woman from Zimbabwe. Her mother passed away in her home country while she was here. She was describing how, when she heard of her mother passing, it didn't really hurt her... she could talk freely about it or whatever. When she finally went back home and saw her mother's grave, however, that's when it hit her. I knew exactly how she felt... because I do the same thing. The moment I see mum's grave, I just break down.

The woman took the words out of my mouth when she was describing how she felt at the grave. She said when she was there, it was a confirmation that her mum was really dead. It was final. That's exactly how I feel every time I go visit mum.

Come to think of it, I haven't visited her in a very long time... I've been wanting to. I've been meaning to. It just hurts so much...

Setting things in motion

I've been waking up around 5am all week. At first, it sucked. It's a hard thing to adjust to, for sure.I'm trying to see the good in it, though: no people out, quiet in the hallways of the university, virtually no one at the gym... these are actually all great reasons for me to get up and leave the house early.

I guess the big, fuzzy question here is why am I waking up at 5am everyday to begin with? 

- I know I need to keep on track with my routine and my ultimate goal of completing a triathlon.

- On Tuesday, I rented a gym locker. Paying for things is always a good motivator to do things.

- Wednesday was a fitness consultation with my new personal trainer. I told her my goals and where I'm at now. She's going to be directing my workout sessions for the next 12 weeks.

- Thursday nights, I joined a yoga class.

- This coming Wednesday, I start my pole dancing lessons.

- I made plans with others to be workout buddies.

- And I finally signed up to learn how to rock climb this Monday... <3

Those chiseled abs will one day be mine! 

I anticipate working out about 5 days a week in the mornings. It's not the only time I have, but it's the nicest. At 6 in the morning, I have a chance of using the free weights. At 6 in the morning, I don't need to see a bunch of beefed up guys acting out and a bunch of really freakishly skinny girls doing... nothing. Hopefully it works...!

I also gave my notice to work. This is happy and sad for me. Happy because I can finally devote the time I need to the things that really matter to me. I'm in class 6 days a week, so I started to feel the strain just after the first week. Sad because I'll miss the people. I won't miss the inconvenient, rushed commute from school after my last class of the day on Tuesday's or coming in on Sunday's: my only day off. I look forward to filling in my time with things that make me happy, like volunteering again and making my various creations.

Apparently people like them and they're pretty popular. *Shrugs* I got a request to make Christmas ornaments last night. <3

Anyway... I need to get to my 8am class. Globalization is turning out to be an interesting topic. I'm thankful for my super chill and awesome teacher, otherwise I wouldn't bother going to that class. Only class on Friday's... *Hangs head*

Humbled

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I went out with my family yesterday for lunch before my Saturday class (yes, Saturday). We wanted to go somewhere new, but it was unexpectedly closed, so we went to Spulumbo's: a deli and restaurant that specializes in its sausage. Excited to finally be able to use my gift card from Christmas, I gave it to my youngest sister's boyfriend and let him did the ordering.

Bad idea, apparently. He came back with the food and my gift card, unused. He said I could use it next time and that he covered lunch because it was my birthday tomorrow. Gah, stubborn kids. We ate, joked, played with my niece, and I then got a ride to school by my other sister and her boyfriend.

The Saturday class I'm taking this semester is The Psychology of Death and Dying, which I was introduced to at around 1pm. Other than the typical class introductions and formalities, we did an exercise where we got to use clickers to submit answers to questions posted on the powerpoint slides. The answers to the clicker questions were all anonymous. The questions involved our experiences with death, and it asked various questions such as "have you experienced the death of a friend/grandparent/sibling/parent/pet," "have you watched someone die," etc. I was humbled by the fact that many people in the class had experienced the death of a loved one. One other person had experienced the death of a parent. 4 people had experienced the death of a sibling. One other person had watched someone die.

Sitting there in that room of 22 students, I realized that my story was nothing new. I had been in class for an hour and yet I already felt so connected to everyone.

After class, I went over to a friends house to hang out. It was hard for me to be there, as I had arrived late and everyone was playing various games that I, unfortunately, had little interest in. After a while, though, we started doing things that I could involve myself in. It felt good to have fun with these people again. I took my old feelings and just threw them away. I didn't need that stuff burdening my heart and soul anymore.

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Today is my birthday.

10 years ago, on my 15th birthday, I watched the horrors of 9/11 throughout the day, since the time I woke up, throughout school, and afterwards when I was "celebrating" with my father. While I do eventually celebrate, I take some time to remember those who lost or gave their lives and the families and friends affected by that day.

I'll remember the day and also cherish it, too. Everyday is a blessing in disguise. Be thankful and grateful to the people in your lives... Little things aren't worth holding grudges over for me. You never know when someone you care about will take an unexpected turn in life.

First day of school

I was going to write an entry yesterday for "Wordless Wednesday," however by the time I got home, I was tuckered out. Yesterday, I spent the day visiting with friends and relaxing at the school... a day before school actually started.

I was excited to find some Fanta.
Fanta will always remind me of Ghana! <3

I don't care. I am not ashamed to admit that I love school. School gives me a purpose and it gives me happiness. There's something about being at Mount Royal that just fills me with such joy. Yesterday, after looking around for textbook prices, I relaxed by the pond, under some trees, and took in the beautiful day. This happens every year for me... and before I know it, it's starting to snow. Already, the leaves are falling off of trees.

It's depressing, really.

On my day off, I sold my Hamm charm to my friend and two other charms to another friend. It was a fruitful day to be sure! I got a lot of my emotional stuff sorted out too... probably added to the tuckered out feeling.

Link from Zelda.

Hamm from Toy Story.

Megaman.

 

 

For my first actual day at school, I ran into most of my Ghana buddies! We talked a lot about how we missed the country, and I wondered aloud what Ghana is like during autumn. The general consensus is that we all want to go back (well, from the girls I asked). We loved it there so much...We also saw our instructor from the trip. I think he's happy to see us girls hanging out. One girl has a class with him this semester and says he's a completely different person inside a classroom. He's much more professional and confident, whereas on the trip, he had his quiet moments (the times where he was 'shy'), but he really opened up to us. We joked around, laughed, and had an overall great time in Ghana. I suppose I'm lucky to have got to know a side of him that is rarely seen outside of the classroom. Fortunate, too.

The girls and I are planning to get together for dinner and drinks soon. Dinner at Big T's, drinks at the highly anticipated "Hub." We can't wait for it to finally open so that we can break it in. I'm not much of a drinker, but I do love being around good company.

I'm excited for my classes, however I've only been to 2 of the 5 (!) that I'll be taking. Normally I take 3 a semester and work 2-3 jobs... this year, I'm trying a new approach. I want to really focus on school and fitness. I've knocked my work down to 1 job twice a week. To tell you the truth, I'm already jittery... what will I do with myself?

Anyway, more updates as soon as I'm exposed to the rest of my classes.<3

The Warrior

I'm normally a pretty easy going, calm person. It doesn't take a lot to please me... actually, you could probably compare me to a plant: feed me, water me, pay attention to me once in a while, and I'll be pretty happy.

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I'm very stubborn. I use the stubbornness and fight. Thinking about it, I pride in my ability to fight. People tell me I'm strong and I shrug it off. But I agree... I know I'm strong. I've been through a lot over the years.

Why do I fight? I'm not too sure... I just do it. Sometimes fighting gets me into trouble and hurts people. It pushes people away. It pushed my best friend away.

He went away because I got mad at him. I couldn't tolerate his attitude and disregard for me. I couldn't stand how he would tell me we could get together and then cancel on me. I couldn't stand how he didn't care about our friendship after so long, so I told him so. I told him if he couldn't be a friend to me then he shouldn't a a friend.

And then he went away. He said I changed too much.

He didn't know me that well, I guess...

I miss him a lot. I mourn our friendship even though I told him that it didn't hurt that much... I told him the truth, though: this didn't hurt compared to how much I hurt when I saw the love of my life suffer.

Is that why I'm strong? Because I compare the pain I feel in everyday life to what I felt when I watched my mum die? Everyday pain is insignificant compared to that morning.

Contrary to some belief, I still have emotions. I was telling John how scary it was, though, that I could just hide them on a whim, push back tears and collect myself. I can pretend. I think that's what people see when they tell me I'm strong. But that's not the reason. I don't know the reason.

I have since made new best friends and almost lost them, too. Over the same reasons... but this time, instead of confronting them and fighting, I ran away. I didn't want to lose people I've worked so hard to be close to.

I went through a lot of pain and confusion. I didn't understand why I couldn't just move on and forget about them. I tried hard but those pains always came back. I hate hurting. John suggested that I just ask them what's going on, so I did. I started to fight and I'm not sure why. I fought for what I believed in... our friendship. I didn't feel like throwing it away and moving on all over again. It didn't look good at first... but then in the end, something happened.

I didn't lose my friends. I got a second chance...

Maybe I can learn something from this battle.